Dear GIANT girl to the left of me at Endymion,
Look girl I know you are from Michigan and have no idea how a parade works so I will let you know. You are in YOUR space and I am in MINE! So when beads come towards me and my friends you do not have permission to dive in front of us and take them all. I'm sorry you have a very misproportioned body. But don't steal our beads!! We didn't dive for yours!
Dear GIANT girl's dad,
You are sitting in a chair in the middle of 100 people standing? Really? Move the F out of the way! And you better put your hands down. Plus just in case you don't know this, but glow sticks don't work the next day. Take them out of your bag and share the weath of your stingy GIANT daughter! Horder!
Dear Mardi Gras,
I love your parades so very much! Thank you for being two weeks long. You are great! You give me fun throws, and amazing cups! I love you!
Dear New Orleans,
Why do you have to be so far from home? I miss my friends and family, and you are too far for them to come and visit! Or for me to go and visit! You need to move closer!
Dear Mean People at Work,
Thank you for not being so mean at the end of last week. It has helped my stress level to go way down. Please continue to not be mean to me between now and the end of the year. That would be great! Thanks!
Love,
Natalie
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
I have some great positives today!!
#1. I didn't get fired today!! YAY!!
#2. We had a Mardi Gras parade today at school, and my kids were so cute!!
#3. My kids were supper good after the parade!!
#4. My dad is on his way into town and should be here very soon!!
#2. We had a Mardi Gras parade today at school, and my kids were so cute!!
#3. My kids were supper good after the parade!!
#4. My dad is on his way into town and should be here very soon!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
my positive for today
Today is the first day I haven't gotten in trouble in 5 days.....
FYI....I haven't done anything wrong but be a woman.....yeah....
again....the fear
FYI....I haven't done anything wrong but be a woman.....yeah....
again....the fear
for fear...
I have come here almost everyday for a week now wanting to write about what is going on. But I type a line or two and then just close the window. I do this in fear of putting out into the world the true fears that I have and then those fears becoming a reality......
Life is really hard right now...really hard. I am on the verge of tears or vomit at all times out of fear of....life....for the best way to describe it.
The only safety I feel is at home with my sweet and loving husband. But then the feeling comes back when it's time for bed and I know I am one short night time away from the fear again....
I hate this life....I hate this feeling of fear all the time....and at the moment there is no end in sight. Because I fear the end. I don't know if the end will come on my time.....or my fear....
Please don't feel sorry for me.....I pray each night that this fear is just something I have made up in my mind....
I am just sad that someone has made me hate my job. That someone has made me question my education. That they have made me question my career choice. That they have made me dread the place where I can go to find at least 20 children who can't make it through the day without me. I have never in my dreams wanted to hate this job. But I do.....
Life is really hard right now...really hard. I am on the verge of tears or vomit at all times out of fear of....life....for the best way to describe it.
The only safety I feel is at home with my sweet and loving husband. But then the feeling comes back when it's time for bed and I know I am one short night time away from the fear again....
I hate this life....I hate this feeling of fear all the time....and at the moment there is no end in sight. Because I fear the end. I don't know if the end will come on my time.....or my fear....
Please don't feel sorry for me.....I pray each night that this fear is just something I have made up in my mind....
I am just sad that someone has made me hate my job. That someone has made me question my education. That they have made me question my career choice. That they have made me dread the place where I can go to find at least 20 children who can't make it through the day without me. I have never in my dreams wanted to hate this job. But I do.....
Friday, February 6, 2009
oh how I love me some Friday!
1. I only had to do my job for 4 hours today, and that was not 4 hours in a row either!
2. We went to the highschool basketball game tonight. Both girls and boys, and the girls won...boys lost :(, but it was a lot of fun.
3. I talked with my prinicpal today about getting a pep rally set up for all the kids the day before LEAP testing and he was all excited about it. Today was the first time we have had a positive converstaion in about 3 weeks! It was great!
4.....yes I acutlly have 4 today!!.....4. The new security gaurd at school is an ex New Orleans Hornets player and I asked him if he could give me the hook up on having a Hornets player come and talk to the kids at the pep rally and he said yes!! I hope it really works out!
2. We went to the highschool basketball game tonight. Both girls and boys, and the girls won...boys lost :(, but it was a lot of fun.
3. I talked with my prinicpal today about getting a pep rally set up for all the kids the day before LEAP testing and he was all excited about it. Today was the first time we have had a positive converstaion in about 3 weeks! It was great!
4.....yes I acutlly have 4 today!!.....4. The new security gaurd at school is an ex New Orleans Hornets player and I asked him if he could give me the hook up on having a Hornets player come and talk to the kids at the pep rally and he said yes!! I hope it really works out!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
day 2...
1. The second grader that is smart enough to be in 3rd grade doesn't want to be in 3rd grade anymore....one less kid for me!
2. My kids were really good today, and we got a lot done. To reward them I bought them a king cake! It was good :)
3.....why is the third one always the hardest????.......I found out that I have worked with the brownies enough that they have earned their first badge! (I wish my junior girls would get in gear and earn thier first badge!! but yay for the brownies!!!!)
Yeah #3 took me a good 30 min to think of! I think that tomorrow will be another hard day to think of pisitives again, but I have hope!
:)
2. My kids were really good today, and we got a lot done. To reward them I bought them a king cake! It was good :)
3.....why is the third one always the hardest????.......I found out that I have worked with the brownies enough that they have earned their first badge! (I wish my junior girls would get in gear and earn thier first badge!! but yay for the brownies!!!!)
Yeah #3 took me a good 30 min to think of! I think that tomorrow will be another hard day to think of pisitives again, but I have hope!
:)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
positivity day 1
well on the way home from work I tried to think of at least 3 positive things about today....it was not easy.....it doesn't help when you end the day with a stressful meeting....but anyways....
1. I rearanged my classroom yesterday, and so today was the first time my kids where in there with the new arangment and it worked out quite well.
2. I got a lot of papers graded today and while doing that noticed that my kids are starting to make better grades. (I think this is a huge positive!!)
3.......David says that #3 can be that I left alive and didn't kill a kid either :).
So those are my 3 positive things from today......oh well and I got a cupcake, but that has nothing to do with work :)
1. I rearanged my classroom yesterday, and so today was the first time my kids where in there with the new arangment and it worked out quite well.
2. I got a lot of papers graded today and while doing that noticed that my kids are starting to make better grades. (I think this is a huge positive!!)
3.......David says that #3 can be that I left alive and didn't kill a kid either :).
So those are my 3 positive things from today......oh well and I got a cupcake, but that has nothing to do with work :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
angry
I am so tired of being angry all the time. I just read that last post that I wrote and I sound so angry. It's not like things are going wrong in my life, but it sure does seem like everyone is out to piss me off. I feel like I've surrounded myself with a bunch of people who are out for only themselves. I don't understand how you can be in the education field and be out for only yourself. I mean your job is to watch over and look out for children. Does that mean to you it's then okay to screw all the adults around you? I just don't understand. And what I don't understand the most is why I'm left in the cold everytime and no one seems to notice. The first one quit, and then the second one came. I thought she was going to be great and we would be a team, but at the first chance she got she bolted. Then I got number three and we were not a team at all. There were times when I really thought you were teaching something completely different than me. I love her as a person, but a team mate she was not. Then bang she was fired because she messed....which some how became my fault....another story for another time.....then came number 4 and I feel bad but I don't want anything to do with her. She is so nice, and I think she would be a great person on my team. But I'm tired of getting burned. I like her as my friend, and don't have a problem helping her at all. But it really bothers me that I can't help but keep her at a distance.
I don't want to leave because of the children, but I think this place is really making me an angry person. I'm so angry because of the horrible people I'm around all day. There are some really great people too, but when the whole office is bad? This all makes life too hard! At the moment I don't feel like the good out weights the bad.
Good:
1. the kids (LOVE them).....that is a big one.....
2. the teachers I do like and get along with, and that they are there to work as a team....
yeah that's about it....
Bad:
1. all the other teachers....oohh expecially that one that called me a bitch the other day!
2. the office
3. iss
4. ohhhh.....the list could go on and on....but it gets me angry again.....and I'm tired of being angry......
I don't want to be an adult anymore! How do I go back? The only good thing I've got going on right now as an adult is my amazing husband that loves me more than I can even imagine.
ooohhh.....I just want to not be angry anymore.....
Ok I am going to start fresh....I am going to find at least 3 positive things per day and hold on to them....I want them to be different each day...we will see how long this lasts :) I'll keep ya updated....
angry = tired!
I don't want to leave because of the children, but I think this place is really making me an angry person. I'm so angry because of the horrible people I'm around all day. There are some really great people too, but when the whole office is bad? This all makes life too hard! At the moment I don't feel like the good out weights the bad.
Good:
1. the kids (LOVE them).....that is a big one.....
2. the teachers I do like and get along with, and that they are there to work as a team....
yeah that's about it....
Bad:
1. all the other teachers....oohh expecially that one that called me a bitch the other day!
2. the office
3. iss
4. ohhhh.....the list could go on and on....but it gets me angry again.....and I'm tired of being angry......
I don't want to be an adult anymore! How do I go back? The only good thing I've got going on right now as an adult is my amazing husband that loves me more than I can even imagine.
ooohhh.....I just want to not be angry anymore.....
Ok I am going to start fresh....I am going to find at least 3 positive things per day and hold on to them....I want them to be different each day...we will see how long this lasts :) I'll keep ya updated....
angry = tired!
I'm just calling them letters...because I don't know that they are "love" letters
Dear Jerk that thinks he's my boss,
Look you are NOT my boss, and when I tell you that I've done your damn paper work you better look at it! I have a full time job...unlike you...and I don't have time to make copies of things that are already finished just to justify your salery.
P.S. You also need to turn off the copy counter, I was not the problem!
Dear ISS "I think I'm in charge" teacher,
You have a classroom, where you are supposed to be all day with the kids that are in trouble. Get over it and stay your ass in your room. Put down the stupid mega phone and shut the hell up. You don't even know how to speak correctly either! You are also not in charge of the announcments. Just get over yourself.
Dear crazy lady,
Don't ever make threats again like you are going to kill yourself....makes me hate you a little, and that makes me hate me a little.
Dear Officer Douchebag,
Just because your life sucks doesn't mean that you have to be so mean to me. I didn't even do anything wrong. You just have a crappy life and want to take everyone down with you. Stop it!
Dear co leaders,
It's your troop too! Do your damn job. I am not here to do it all for you, and then for you to get pissed of at me when I stop doing it all. I will not do everything for the troop anymore at all. You need to do it for a while. That's why we are CO LEADERS!
Dear mean "used to be my friend" teacher,
Yeah that's right I said used to be my friend. We were all the way up until you told on me to the boss for something I didn't do. Thanks for checking with me first before you called me out on something that didn't happen. Way to "work with the team."
don't really love you,
Natalie
:)
Look you are NOT my boss, and when I tell you that I've done your damn paper work you better look at it! I have a full time job...unlike you...and I don't have time to make copies of things that are already finished just to justify your salery.
P.S. You also need to turn off the copy counter, I was not the problem!
Dear ISS "I think I'm in charge" teacher,
You have a classroom, where you are supposed to be all day with the kids that are in trouble. Get over it and stay your ass in your room. Put down the stupid mega phone and shut the hell up. You don't even know how to speak correctly either! You are also not in charge of the announcments. Just get over yourself.
Dear crazy lady,
Don't ever make threats again like you are going to kill yourself....makes me hate you a little, and that makes me hate me a little.
Dear Officer Douchebag,
Just because your life sucks doesn't mean that you have to be so mean to me. I didn't even do anything wrong. You just have a crappy life and want to take everyone down with you. Stop it!
Dear co leaders,
It's your troop too! Do your damn job. I am not here to do it all for you, and then for you to get pissed of at me when I stop doing it all. I will not do everything for the troop anymore at all. You need to do it for a while. That's why we are CO LEADERS!
Dear mean "used to be my friend" teacher,
Yeah that's right I said used to be my friend. We were all the way up until you told on me to the boss for something I didn't do. Thanks for checking with me first before you called me out on something that didn't happen. Way to "work with the team."
don't really love you,
Natalie
:)
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